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“I might forgive but I’ll never forget.” Forgiving someone who has wronged or hurt you is one of the most difficult decisions we have to make. This might surprise you, but you don’t have to forget. What you want to do is take the pain out of that memory. However, if you don’t forgive, you will be the one who keeps on suffering.  Someone has wronged you. The important thing to remember is that forgiving doesn’t mean that you have not been wronged. On the contrary, if you believe that you have been wronged you are going to feel it. You will know if you feel hurt, insulted, or rejected. What that person did may have been entirely unintentional. Or it may not have. Acknowledge to yourself that you believe you have been wronged. What that means is that you believe that someone owed you something and did not deliver. It can be that you are owed respect, but were treated disrespectfully. You may feel that you were owed kindness or understanding, and received cruelty or meanness instead. The reasons for being wronged vary from the simple, such as a snippy comeback, to the horrific, such as physical or emotional abuse. It might surprise you to realize that it doesn’t matter the intensity or character of the wrong. What matters is your response to it.  Bitterness takes root. Unforgiveness begins like a tiny seed that sprouts into anger, resentment, and offense. If allowed to grow it puts down roots and those roots are bitterness. When bitterness takes over your soul, it grows its friends, hostility, cynicism, scorn, contempt, and all manner of negative visitors. This is where the danger lies. Science is only just beginning to admit what your grandma probably told you years ago—that negative emotions have a direct impact on your health and happiness. You see, not forgiving someone who has hurt you prolongs the pain for you long after the perpetrator has forgotten all about it. For the sake of your own health and peace you must forgive.  How do you let it go? Try this method of forgiving:
(You understand that if someone has also broken the law, the appropriate action must be taken.) The Bible says that vengeance belongs to God, not to us. By forgiving others, we free ourselves from the sentence of suffering for someone else’s wrongdoing.   Our western society is a culture of striving. The prevailing attitude is that if you’re not knocking yourself out striving toward a goal, you’re wasting time and taking up space. While I agree that it’s important to know where you want to go and what you want to do to make your life feel worthwhile, too many of us are striving at breakneck speed toward the unknown. Believe it our not, there is a word for this: coddiwomple. It means to travel purposefully toward a vague destination. When I first read that word, I had to stop and ask myself if that’s what I’m doing. And surprisingly, the answer is, at least in some areas, yes. I’m busy working, striving, and reaching for a destination that’s kind of blurry. How does this happen?  I believe that we’re products of our environment to such an extent that we simply flow in the direction of everyone else. (There is a reason Jesus compared us to sheep.) But what would happen if you stopped? If we each took time to look carefully at all the “things” we are chasing, would we still want them? To find that out, two things are necessary. 1) We must know what we truly value. 2) We must seek peace in our lives and live in that place where peace resides. Sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it?  In my program, The Wish Plan, which I wrote and teach, the very first exercise assists you in determining what you truly value. I can’t put enough emphasis on the importance of knowing this.
It’s easy to spend precious hours, days, and years of our lives striving for something that we don’t really, in our hearts, even want. That’s not a good way to spend a life. So, if you decide for even a day to stop striving for whatever you’re reaching for, and simply pay attention to what is right in front of you, how would that feel? Sometimes when we stop, take a rest, and listen to our hearts, the answers come. So does the peace. This is a question that people have asked me about writing fiction. Where do my ideas come from? The answer to that is simple: They are everywhere. If you look at situations and people as subjects for a romance novel or novella, it’s not hard to imagine stories around them, once you get in the habit of doing so. Keep your notebook handy. Here is an example: Recently a distant relative of mine got married in Hawaii. I saw the photos on Facebook, looked at the beautiful bride, and enjoyed the romantic, tropical setting. I don’t know these people personally so I don’t know their actual story. What I can do is use their photos as a jumping off point for creating a romantic plot.  The first step to coming up with a romance plot is to ask, what if?
 If you have ever spent time in an airport waiting for your flight to be called, you’ve had lots of time to watch people and make up stories about them. The tired-looking woman in the business suit—see her over there, texting—perhaps she has spent so much time on the road that her boyfriend is losing interest. What does she have to do to keep her relationship alive? Or, perhaps she is never in on place long enough to have a relationship but she longs for a romance and a family. A man wearing climbing gear sits next to the window reading a newspaper. Where has he come from and where is he going? Is there a woman in the city wishing he loved her more than he loves the mountains? You have enough conflict there to create a dynamic plot.  The young adults playing volleyball on the beach all look so happy and carefree. But what if that girl with the brown ponytail looks longingly at the tall, blonde guy who never seems to notice her? What is their story?
The choice, of course, is yours. You can make up any tale you like about anyone you like. Put them in a setting that appeals to you, and in a situation that is difficult. Give them an attraction for each other, but lots of obstacles that they have to overcome before getting together. When you figure out those basics, voilà! You have a romantic plot. Need inspiration? Subscribe to Creative Inspirations Daily HERE. Create a loving relationship  People date, they fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Sure, they will encounter problems, but they can also be very happy. Problems can be solved and you can keep the spark alive in your love life. It takes attention and intention, but who ever said it has to be hard and arduous. Have fun, be happy, and enjoy one another. I have been married to my husband (the first and only) for more than four decades. (Yes, we started young.) Here are a few ideas that I’ve learned along the way about keeping a love relationship on track:  Say, "I love you" often - in words, gestures or actions and occasionally in surprisingly unexpected ways. Be wild and daring sometimes. Keep dating. Plan events away from the kids, friends and family where the two of you can share "couple time" doing something fun, interesting or romantic. Pretend you are still dating and you have to impress with your charm, sense of humor, sexy good looks and intelligence. Dance in the kitchen. Hold hands in the movie. Play in the bedroom. Relationships need a solid foundation. An exclusive, intimate, deep, trusting connection is vital for strength. Like any foundation, it will crumble without care, so pay attention to keeping the connection healthy. Share all of you with your partner—every hope, dream, wish, doubt and misery. Do not recount only the events of your day, confide the secrets in your heart. This is what close friends do. Laughter is essential for good physical health and acts like glue in a relationship. It helps when times are bad (and bad times happen), and it makes good times better. Stick a note in a shoe. Phone with a joke. Tell a funny story. Tack this to the fridge.  Say, "I love you" often - in words, gestures or actions and occasionally in surprisingly unexpected ways. Be wild and daring sometimes. Keep dating. Plan events away from the kids, friends and family where the two of you can share "couple time" doing something fun, interesting or romantic. Pretend you are still dating and you have to impress with your charm, sense of humor, sexy good looks, and intelligence. Dance in the kitchen. Hold hands in the movie. Play in the bedroom. Relationships need a solid foundation. An exclusive, intimate, deep, trusting connection is vital for strength. Like any foundation, it will crumble without care, so pay attention to keeping the connection healthy. Share all of you with your partner—every hope, dream, wish, doubt and misery. Do not recount only the events of your day, confide the secrets in your heart. This is what close friends do.  Laughter is essential for good physical health and acts like glue in a relationship. It helps when times are bad (and bad times happen), and it makes good times better. Stick a note in a shoe. Phone with a joke. Tell a funny story. Tack this to the fridge. Give your love an extra kiss today and think about doing something to make your mate’s life better. It may make the most important person in your life happier, and you too.  Be sure to join my email list for inspiring thoughts and ideas daily, Monday-Friday. Click Here and also receive my free e-book.
Say yes I once read a story about a woman who had survived several tragedies in a fairly short time. With no warning her husband left her, someone close to her died, her house burned, and she had lost her job. I’m not going to say that she didn’t suffer, because she did, and greatly, but she managed to pull herself together and move on. She moved to a different city and started over. In the process she made the decision that she would say ‘yes’ to whatever opportunities came her way. As she made friends in her new location, she became known as the one who would always say yes to requests for new adventures. Taking this attitude completely changed the woman’s life.  I believe it will change your life, too, when you decide to say yes to life, to your dreams, or simply to a new experience. It is time to say ‘yes’ to:
You will never have the time is you don’t say yes now. None of us really knows how much time we have, and the tomorrow that we are putting things off until may never come. We only have so many days here on this earth and when it’s over, well dear, it’s going to be too late to take your kids to see the ocean, or go on that romantic weekend with your sweetheart, or study French.  This was brought up close and personally to me when I nearly died one night from internal hemorrhaging. Coming face to face with my own mortality made me sit up and take notice of where I wanted my life to go. I realized that the ‘some day’ I had been putting things off for, had to happen now, not later. We women are often guilty of saying yes to everyone else’s wants and needs instead of our own. Doesn’t that imply that the needs of others are more important than your own? If you think about that for a moment, you must agree that it just isn’t so. Everyone’s needs are of equal value, it is just more important to the owner of those needs that you drop everything and attend to them rather than to your own. Get some perspective. Just because someone demands that you submit to his or her wishes, doesn’t mean you have to do it.  Think about what you need to say yes to. Your life is numbered by days, and they go by with shocking regularity and speed. Now is the time to start saying yes to what makes your life really worthwhile. Don’t wait. Don’t put it off. Say yes now. Not sure what you want to say yes to? My program, The Wish Plan, can help you discover what you value, and make a plan to get it.  |
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